I’ll admit – I was out the other night speaking with a friend about investing, and she mentioned cryptocurrency, and I screwed up my face and started with the “Bitcoin Bro” judgements.
She then totally called me out on this, and as she is familiar with coaching, we started exploring what it is exactly that I find so irritating about the whole crypto scenario.
Like so often when we are judging others, it mostly came down to fear and a little of the green-eyed monster – fear of missing out, of losing something, of making a wrong decision, of being made to look silly or unknowledgeable, and jealously of all the success they appear to be having, while I was sitting on the sideline.
Still doesn’t mean I’m necessarily going to invest 😉 but it’s, in my mind, far more interesting to examine these concepts in more detail, and explore what truth lies behind them.
Judgement is a funny thing – with self-awareness we can often catch ourselves judging others, making up stories in our heads about situations over which we have absolutely no information! And why do you think we do this? On the surface, it’s very likely to make ourselves feel better – more superior, or richer, or smarter.
But at a deeper level, it’s telling us a more complex story: it may trigger in us a reminder of a side of ourselves we don’t especially like, or that we fear; or it can also be that we are a little jealous of something the person has, because it truthfully does mean a lot to us.
With judgement through fear, we may find ourselves judging someone who has just asked a “silly” question at work, as we are, as humans, scared of social judgement and rejection. Or we judge someone who is drunk, because heaven forbid, we act like this after a few drinks ourselves.
With judgement through jealousy, we may find ourselves judging someone loud and brazen in the office for being “too much”, when we ourselves are craving attention and recognition from others. Or we judge a billionaire for buying a tech company because, deep down, having that kind of money and influence would be a bit of a buzz, right?
Because of this, judging others so often creates irritation and frustration within us, and we then in turn start to judge ourselves harshly as well. We’re procrastinators, we don’t have enough drive, and we’ll never be as smart / pretty / influential / rich as them.
Kind of insidious, right?
So, what can we do? As always:
Awareness => Choice => Change
Start a judgement journal: Note down somewhere for a week all the times you feel yourself judging others, or judging yourself. Write down exactly what thought you are expressing, and how this makes you feel. At the end of the week, explore any themes that pop up (there almost always will be!). Then, ask yourself – am I triggered because of something within me that I’m judging, or am I actually jealous of something that they have?
With this new awareness – take action!
You have the choice now how you will respond to this new information. Are you going to do something about it?
With the choice to try something new, however small, change will occur.
With change, next time a similar situation occurs, your thoughts will be slightly different, because you are now slightly different. And your associated feelings will therefore be different, and your resulting actions will therefore be different.
Not a bad way to evolve, right?
If you’d like to explore this more, reach out here and book in a free call with me, and let’s see how we can partner together to get you into the life you want!